Friday, March 12, 2010

The Waste Administration Unit

- "How would you like your trash sir?"

"Well, what have you got today?"

-"Of course the usual self-pity, fault-finding, and also a whole heap of senseless frustration"

"Heaven knows I've got plenty of that, but today I'm looking for something special"

-"Well, since you're such a regular customer I don't mind telling you that for a little extra I could get you a pile of self-doubt or even a mound of complaining compost"

"I'll take a little of that, I don't mind the fee for something I find so valuable, go ahead and bag me a little of all of it"

-"Gladly sir, will you be paying with mental anguish or disappointing those around you?"

"I'll just go with mental anguish today, I've already lost credit with most everyone I know"

-"As you like sir, your purchase is ready for you"

"Thanks, this should be enough to get me through the day!"

- "See you tomorrow sir"

Friday, February 12, 2010


It all started Friday night, one week ago today in fact. I took a wrong step and the next thing you know my world changed - an epiphany if you will - an epiphany of pain. For me an epiphany is generally one of those moments when you reach a new level of comprehension, where you feel something a little more acutely than ever before, a fuller sense of a concept is achieved. That's exactly what I mean in this instance. What started as spinal pain spread to my inner thigh and then oh yes right to where it counts - or should I say to the left one that counts (but why be particular?). The crowning moment of the evening was a 20 minute 250 meter walk to my motor vehicle, that's kicking "10 meters a minute"'s butt! The morning found me in the emergency room, the weekend on drugs, Monday walking on campus feeling like Uno. To help the casual reader understand this think of your favorite "Dynamic Duo" - Batman and Robin, Robin Hood and Little John, Robin and anyone, etc. Then incapacitate Robin, Robin and oh yes Robin and you get the idea. To be an Uno is to have one less than a duo, that's how I felt on campus. Fortunately a visit to the urologist has allayed my fears - Robin will live - the duo lives on, I will have the capacity to procreate, and I feel like I'm beginning to understand pain. Moral: A Dynamic Duo can emerge from any Uno, even you.